


Autumn Leaves

by Nighten_Gale



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, modernau
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 18:47:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5175497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nighten_Gale/pseuds/Nighten_Gale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the time came, I didn't think that Levi would let me go so easily. It was like a tree giving up on a single leaf, letting loose all of a sudden. Winds came and brushed it away without it having the chance to go back. </p><p>And that was me now. I was becoming crumbles of a dead leaf on an autumn day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Autumn Leaves

**Author's Note:**

> Im tired; I wrote this randomly. This is also un-beta ed nd shit so there's probably so many errors I am so sorry I'll see if I can fix it later. I have school.

“If you have anything to say to me, say it right fucking now because I’m about to step on that plane.”

I kept looking through the man’s eyes, pleading for him to say something. I didn’t want to regret this decision, but if there was nothing holding me back then I had no reason to stay.

Week after week, I had been planning to run away from here. Run away from complete and utter hell filled with abuse and madness, but I finally found something special to me here in Trost.

And it was him. It was the man standing right in front of me; all this time from the moment I met him in a small, stupid coffee shop to now, all I ever did was love him. He was my safe haven, my angel of escape. _My_ wings of freedom.

“Say something, Levi,” I begged him. I needed to know; I needed reassurance. The only thing I needed to hear, the only thing that would stop me from stepping onto that flight, would be only three words.

“I don’t having anything to say,” he told me as he looked straight into my eyes.

My heard instantly dropped and my stomach twisted into infinite knots that could never be untied. I looked harder into his eyes as my eyebrows narrowed; I needed to find regret, a lie. A sign that told me how much he really wanted to hang onto me.

But I found absolutely nothing.

So I did what any other person would do. I gave him a look that told him goodbye. I was going to travel half-way across the world for god sakes; I would never see him again. I was going to give him closure, just as he was going to do with me.

“Yeah,” I choked out as I nodded quickly. I brought my gaze away from him down to the floor and lifted up the handle to my suitcase. If I didn’t move any faster, I would miss my flight and everything would come crashing a second time.

Forcing my feet to move, I turned around and started heading towards the line. Once I stepped into that line, everything would flow away like leaves on a windy, autumn day. They would fall to the concrete grounds, drifting and hopping away when the wind forces them to, but finally crumbles down when the time comes.

I was just waiting to become the little bits.

“Fucking-“ A voice growled as a hand jerked me back. “Eren, fucking wait.”

The tug almost made me fly back, but I was able to get myself back on my sturdy feet. I knew who it was, pulling me back, anyone would know – it was Levi’s. Through the farewells and leaving me to fly alone to my hometown back in Germany, was he not satisfied enough yet? I felt as if he damn well knew how I felt about leaving, so why the hell – after everything we’ve just talked about, after all the chances he had left of reasoning with me to stay – why now?

“The plane is waiting for me, Levi-“

“Fuck that plane. Fuck the people on the plane. Fuck Germany And mostly –“ He forced my hand to let go of my suitcase and under seconds he had me turned around to face him “ – fuck you. I don’t understand, why are you doing this?”

“Why am I leaving? Levi why the he-“

He gave me a good shake before staring at me harshly. “Why are you leaving us?” He asked, as if we were actually something. “Why aren’t you staying? Why are you leaving me like I was nothing to you?”

I looked at him like he was crazy. His storm filled eyes were hurt and sad. His unreadable expression from before came plummeting down, and I didn’t know what to do about it. The plane was going to leave without my ass on it, Levi was interrogating me for answers, asking me why as if we were something worth enduring, and I was going to break down at the end of it all.

“Why aren’t you stopping me?” I snapped at him in a whisper. “Why aren’t you doing anything? What’s the point of me staying if I don’t have a reason?”

If it was hurt that ran into his eyes before, then this was harsher than the Trail of Tears. He all of a sudden looked betrayed, more emotions crossing through his face than ever, and it confused me the most. “I wasn’t enough to be your reason?”

The words slipped from him faster than I could take them in. No, no that wasn’t it. That wasn’t what I wanted him to understand; those weren’t the words I was wanting to come from him; that was never a question I wanted him to ask me.

“No,” I spoke to him, wanting him to understand me clearly than anything else. “No, Levi, no. That will never be it just- No..” He needed to hear the truth now, more than ever, perfect timing or not; he needed to hear it. “That will never be it. Levi, you are most than my reason. If anything could keep me from going, it would be you. You are someone that could stop me from starting a nuclear war even if my heart was filled with hatred and revenge, and I know that sounds impossible but believe me, it’s true. Maybe I haven’t told you this yet..” I trailed off as my hands made their way out of his grasp so I could cup both his cheeks. “..Maybe this is my last chance to say it. Who knows? The future is hard to predict.”

He stared at me with the same eyes he’s always had. It was all about his eyes now; they were the only this on his single life form that could tell me what he was thinking and how he feels. They were everything about him. His eyes were the one thing that could tell his whole story.

Oh, how much I loved those eyes of his.

“I love you, Levi-fucking-Ackerman. Get it through that head of yours. You became my reason to love and live. ‘Member that, will ya?”

Before he had anything to say, I ran my fingers through his soft, raven hair was always so neatly cut and leaned forward to kiss his forehead. We didn’t need a kiss on the lips, not now when I had a flight to catch. Sure, I would’ve thought all this time it would leave without me, but I guess having connections didn’t hurt so bad.

But in all, I saw it now. I had to let him go; that was all I needed to do. If I loved him, I would do this. He needed his perfect life; he needed to remain this rich, perfect intimidating man who loved going to cheap coffee shops just so he could get as many creamers and sugars he wanted. Perhaps there would be a moment where I miss him sipping and loving the taste of cheap coffee. Maybe I would miss him waiting at the building sitting on the top right section on the intersection of town.

They were just things I couldn’t possibly see again.

“Goodbye, little man,” I whispered to him before letting my hands drop away from his face. The warmth disappeared almost immediately and I was left with nothing but the cold as I took my suitcase and walked. He made no attempt to chase after me, and I knew that he understood.

 _You became my reason to let go_.

~

Four weeks passed since then, and never have I ever been able to fully let go of the man who captured my heart. Sometimes I would sing songs that reminded me simply of us, while others I would just sit down and take a moment to remember all that we’ve done. Most of the thoughts involved me thinking if love would just take over again and bring us together. It all ended up in being ridiculous.

Just as I was about to take a seat on my slightly uncomfortable apartment couch with a cup of coffee in hand, a set of knocks landed on my door. I rolled my eyes and slammed my cup down on the mini table not too far away and started walking to the door.

I swore to God if it was the landlady again, I would murder her and burry her underground with all the other bullshit down to the country. All she ever did was bug me on end just because she needed someone to either watch her dog or clean the toilet. I was the person to ask almost all the time because I either didn’t pay my rent, or I didn’t have money. Either way, it always ended up with me having fucked up clothes.

I opened the door, already starting to go off on her in German about how I was super busy before I had the chance to check if it really was her.

“You ever heard of English, fucking brat? I leave your side for about a fucking shit-loaded month and you forget your second language?”

My eyes went wider than ever before, disbelieving who was in front of me at the very moment. “Levi, what are you..”

The name rolled off of my tongue like it was my second-nature to say it, and never has the feeling felt so good. “You little man!” I yelled happily at him.

He gave me an un-amused grunt and glare. “The fuck you calling little?”

I could’ve almost laughed to see him again. It felt like centuries since I’ve seen him and never has now been the perfect time. Well, it really wasn’t but any time would’ve been perfect.

“Well I don’t see anyone here as short as you,” I smirked at him.

“Look how much I’ve missed you and that shitty mouth of yours. Dammit fucking kiss me.” He pushed me back out of the door way as fast as I could keep up with and before I knew it his lips were on mine. He shifted a bit so he could slam his foot against the corner of the door, forcing it to shut as I was pushed onto the wall. His hands trailed up my body, slightly lifting my shirt up before his fingers let go of the cloth to tangle in with my hair.

A moan slipped from me after his tongue forced its way into my mouth. A tongue battle commenced and we fought for domination. As much as I wanted the kiss to last, Levi pulled away from it, earning a whine from me. He chuckled but said nothing as his hands dragged themselves down to my chest, fisting my shirt.

“I didn’t get to say it to you,” he mumbled to me. “And you left without knowing.”

I blinked at him, unsure of what to say. “You don’t need to n-“

“I love you.”

My eyes widened again. Sure the words were real, and they were coming out of his mouth but I couldn’t find out why exactly I couldn’t believe them.

“ I love you more than the universe will allow. I know I fucking loved you before you left, but then after.. after I noticed how much, how difficult it was to live without you..” His head lifted up and once again those storms in this pupils never ceased to amaze me. “Eren, don’t you dare make me go through that again. Don’t you dare show me how it’s like to live without you.”  

And suddenly, I believed them.

However that wasn’t the only thing I believed. My perspective of things finally changed – maybe I wasn’t the leftover crumbles of an autumn leaf, maybe I was the one crushed and reborn.  Maybe I may have died over and over again, but at those same times I was grown over and over again. Maybe that was how it always was – maybe that’s how it always will be.

But you know what?

As long as I had that perspective of coming back over and over again while never ending, maybe I was okay with that. I was okay with dying as long as I had something bringing me back.

That something was Levi.

I wrapped my arms around his little figure and held him tightly. “I never will,” I told him.

And maybe, just maybe, I was that something to Levi too.


End file.
